Redefining Success: Why ‘Partnered’ Isn’t the Only Promotion That Matters

For much of my late 20s, 30s, and early 40s, I measured my life by two yardsticks: career success and relationship status.

No matter how many professional wins I racked up, the question, “Are you dating anyone?” could stop me cold. It was the unspoken reminder that, in the hierarchy of adulthood, being partnered still seems to sit above being single.

As the years ticked by, people stopped asking which was both a relief and a sign that they assumed I was single.

I hear this weekly from my clients. Accomplished, beautiful, self-aware, grounded people who say some version of,

“I’ve done all the things. I built a great life. But it still feels like I’m missing something because I’m not in a relationship.”

When ‘Partnered’ Becomes a Benchmark

The truth is, our culture still (not so) quietly treats marriage and children as milestones of completion.

In the corporate world, I can attest how often it is woven into the fabric of conversation.

Coworkers bond over the cost of daycare, their kids’ school schedules or coordinating around their SO’s work travel schedule. Company benefits highlight family-friendly perks, but rarely mention singles.

Then come the endless celebrations: engagements, bridal showers, baby showers, weddings. The group gifts, the travel, the time off to attend.

Of course, I was always genuinely excited for my friends and coworkers. Love and family are worth celebrating.

But when you are the only single person, or as you get older, one of few, around the proverbial party table, it can feel isolating, and lonely.

You clap, you smile, you sign the card, you Venmo your share for the team gift or meal train.

And somewhere inside, you notice how little attention is paid to other milestones, the ones that belong only to you.

It reminds me of that Sex and the City moment when Carrie registers for a pair of Manolos after years of gifting everyone else for their weddings and babies, and leaves this epic message on Kya's (the friend who made her take off her shoes at her kids’ b-day party) machine:

Hi. 

It’s Carrie Bradshaw.

I wanted to let you know that I’m getting married. 

To myself.

Oh, and I’m registered at Manolo Blahnik. 

So thanks. Bye.

OMG, I've always LOVED this scene. Mostly because I could relate and thought about doing something similar myself.

She had spent years showing up for everyone else’s milestones and realized her own life choices were not being recognized in the same way.

That is the quiet double standard many singles feel at work.

The Real Definition of Growth

Looking back, I realize how many seasons of my life were filled with real growth, the kind that does not show up in LinkedIn updates or IG engagement photo reels.

The courage to start over after heartbreak.
The self-awareness to break old patterns.
The freedom to solo or travel with friends deepened my confidence and curiosity.
The joy of building friendships that became my chosen family.

That is growth.
That is success.

I see this same evolution in many of my clients. When they stop viewing their singlehood as a waiting room for real life, they start showing up differently, with more confidence, clarity, and openness.

You Do Not Need a Partner to Have a Full Life 

Man, I wish I had genuinely internalized this sooner in my life. 

This is not about pretending you do not want a relationship. Wanting love is human.
But your worth does not rise or fall based on whether you have found your person, even though the modern world can make it feel like it does.

Partnership is one form of connection, not the only form, and certainly not the ultimate promotion.

Your next chapter might include falling in love, or it might include rediscovering parts of yourself that were buried under expectations. Either way, your story is unfolding exactly as it should.

The Reminder

You can be single and deeply fulfilled.
You can be ambitious in your work and your quest to find love.
You can be proud of your growth without needing it to look like anyone else’s.

Because your relationship status is not a reflection of your worth.
It is simply a snapshot of where you are right now, and that, too, is worth celebrating.

If this message resonates, I would love to hear your story. Let’s talk about what your version of success looks like, in love, in life, and everywhere in between.

📅 Schedule a free intro call with me here.