When Your Work Becomes Your Relationship

There were long stretches of my life when my work became my relationship.

While I’ve shared before that my corporate life was never 100% me, it absolutely served a purpose. It was an always-on distraction, something I could pour my energy into, a reason to keep myself busy. I told myself I didn’t have time to date, or that work, while not perfect, fulfilled me enough.

And in many ways, it did. I was always in a client-facing role, building trust, leading teams, connecting with colleagues, building lifelong friendships. There was meaning in that. Relationships in that.

But my singlehood was always there with me.

As someone recently reminded me, “No matter where you go, there you are.” (Funny enough, my husband has that quote in his gmail signature.)

And it’s true. Even during those years when I acted “sooo busy” while colleagues were checking in with their spouses about dinner plans or leaving early for their kids’ events, I felt the ache. The lonely nights in middle-of-nowhere hotel rooms after lively client dinners. The quiet hum of realizing that as much as work took up a lot of space, it couldn’t fill everything.

I See It in My Clients, Too

Now, as a matchmaker and dating coach, I hear the same story almost daily.

Smart, successful professionals, men and women, who’ve focused on work for years and now wonder if that’s why they’re still single.

I’ve had clients sign up for multiple coaching sessions, only to quickly deprioritize dating when “work gets busy.” I’ve stopped chasing them. Because I know the truth: it’s easy to put dating off.

Dating is hard. Work is familiar.
And who wants to do the hard thing when the familiar thing is right there, waiting, validating, and rewarding you for your effort?

I’ve seen friends live the “glamorous” consulting life, racking up 100,000 miles a year (hello travel upgrades!), constantly on the road, never in one city long enough to date. They’ve built impressive résumés, but not relationships.

And I’ve been there too.

The Conflict Beneath the Drive

What always felt complicated for me was this: I wasn’t consciously choosing work over love. People assumed I was (as so many people do), and that added to my shame about being single.

The truth? I kind of fell into the corporate world. I was good at it, successful in it, and yes, parts of it fulfilled me. I built lifelong friendships and learned the very skills I use now as a founder, matchmaker and dating coach.

But there was always that inner knowing that while I was successful at “this”, I was unsuccessful at “that”. And “that” (aka, funding my person) is what I wanted most.

From Productivity to Presence

Work was a safe space for me to achieve, connect, and be recognized. Dating required a different kind of courage, one that asked me to slow down, open up, and risk rejection.

It’s the same for so many singles I meet. The professional self feels strong and confident. The dating self feels vulnerable and uncertain.

Yet real fulfillment doesn’t come from achievement. It comes from connection, with others and with yourself (hello @Brene Brown).

The balance isn’t about working less. It’s about allowing more room for presence, for intimacy, for the version of you that wants to be known beyond your title, inbox, or LinkedIn profile.

The Reminder

You can love your work and long for love. You can be ambitious and crave emotional connection. These aren’t contradictions, they’re both parts of you asking to be seen.

Because career success can hold your attention, but it can’t hold your heart.

If you’ve ever felt like work became (or is) your #1 relationship, I get it because I’ve lived it.

Let’s talk about what it looks like to build a fuller life, one that includes both success and love.

Schedule a free call with me here.